Fishstory
11-19-2006, 07:25 PM
Tongue1 Laughing1 Laughing1 Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
This was submitted by a
guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
>interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a
>little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
>100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
>suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
>assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO
>COOL!
>
>Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two
>triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
>disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed
>it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of
>electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
>Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the
>face of her microwave.
>
>Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
>couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. right?!!!
>
>There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
>little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
>needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must
>admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
>thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to
>give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want
>some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
>
>So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
>perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser
>in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and
>disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle
>spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
>purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
>water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
>
>
>All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
>less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two
>itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
>
>What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best....
>
>I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side
>as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from
>such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give
>myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.
>I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER,
>WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!% (DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%)
>
>I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up
>in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
>over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
>with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
>nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
>position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making
>meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly
>thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
>
>Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note
>of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
>yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
>your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst
>would be considered conservative.
>
>SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure,
>as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what
>little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading
>glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there???
>My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face
>felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88
>lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward
>for their safe return.
>
>Still in shock,
>TommyLaughing1 Laughing1 Laughing1 Laughing1 Laughing1
I had tears reading this, thinking about the time I tried my dogs invisable fence collar!!!! Sad thing is after I was almost shocked to death all my friends had to try!!!
This was submitted by a
guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
>interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a
>little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
>100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
>suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
>assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO
>COOL!
>
>Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two
>triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
>disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed
>it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of
>electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
>Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the
>face of her microwave.
>
>Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
>couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. right?!!!
>
>There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
>little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
>needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must
>admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
>thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to
>give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want
>some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
>
>So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
>perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser
>in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and
>disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle
>spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
>purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
>water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
>
>
>All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
>less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two
>itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
>
>What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best....
>
>I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side
>as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from
>such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give
>myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.
>I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER,
>WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!% (DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%)
>
>I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up
>in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
>over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
>with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
>nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
>position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making
>meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly
>thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
>
>Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note
>of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
>yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
>your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst
>would be considered conservative.
>
>SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure,
>as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what
>little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading
>glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there???
>My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face
>felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88
>lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward
>for their safe return.
>
>Still in shock,
>TommyLaughing1 Laughing1 Laughing1 Laughing1 Laughing1
I had tears reading this, thinking about the time I tried my dogs invisable fence collar!!!! Sad thing is after I was almost shocked to death all my friends had to try!!!