Fishstory
09-24-2006, 10:27 PM
>>
>>Man laws:
>>
>>1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>>
>>2: It is OK for a man to cr y ONLY under the following circumstances:
>>(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
>>(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
>>(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
>>(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
>>(e) When she is using her teeth.
>>
>>3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
>>killed and eaten by his buddies.
>>
>>4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
>>out of jail within 12 hours.
>>
>>5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
>>limits forever unless you actually marry her.
>>
>>6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
>>forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
>>
>>7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
>>man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
>>optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
>>birthday boy's choice.
>>
>>8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
>>weakest.
>>
>>9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
>>ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
>>playing.
>>
>>10: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her
to
>>climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
>>flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
>>
>>11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
>>sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model
and
>>only when it's fre e.
>>
>>12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
>>to kick another guy in the nuts.
>>
>>13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>>
>>
>>14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
>>
>>15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
>>anything.
>>
>>16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
>>spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
>>drink as much as the other sports watchers.
>>
>>17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
>>remain sober enough to fight.
>>
>>18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
>>pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
>>
>>19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
>>about his choice of beer.
>>
>>20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours,
>>except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
>>
>>21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
>>weights:
>>a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
>>b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
>>c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
>>
>>22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
>>i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
>>situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
>>need.
>>
>>23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
>>than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
>>Hang up if necessary.
>>
>> ;24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
>>have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird
and
>>guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
>>discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
>>
>>25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for
>>her to drive yours.
>>
>>26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
>>orange or sky blue.
>>
>>27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
>>Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an
>>Xbox. End of story.
>>
>>28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
>>Gymnastics. Ever.
>>
>>We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
>>know the d ifference between them? In an effort to keep you informed,
the
>>definition of each is listed below:
>>
>>
>>"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
>>assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are
>>you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
>>
>>
>>"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling
of
>>perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
ass
>>and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
>>
>>We hope this clears up any confusion,
>>The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.
>>Man laws:
>>
>>1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>>
>>2: It is OK for a man to cr y ONLY under the following circumstances:
>>(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
>>(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
>>(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
>>(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
>>(e) When she is using her teeth.
>>
>>3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
>>killed and eaten by his buddies.
>>
>>4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
>>out of jail within 12 hours.
>>
>>5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
>>limits forever unless you actually marry her.
>>
>>6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
>>forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
>>
>>7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
>>man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
>>optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
>>birthday boy's choice.
>>
>>8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
>>weakest.
>>
>>9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
>>ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
>>playing.
>>
>>10: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her
to
>>climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
>>flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
>>
>>11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
>>sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model
and
>>only when it's fre e.
>>
>>12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
>>to kick another guy in the nuts.
>>
>>13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>>
>>
>>14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
>>
>>15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
>>anything.
>>
>>16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
>>spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
>>drink as much as the other sports watchers.
>>
>>17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
>>remain sober enough to fight.
>>
>>18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
>>pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
>>
>>19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
>>about his choice of beer.
>>
>>20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours,
>>except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
>>
>>21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
>>weights:
>>a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
>>b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
>>c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
>>
>>22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
>>i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
>>situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
>>need.
>>
>>23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
>>than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
>>Hang up if necessary.
>>
>> ;24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
>>have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird
and
>>guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
>>discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
>>
>>25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for
>>her to drive yours.
>>
>>26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
>>orange or sky blue.
>>
>>27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
>>Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an
>>Xbox. End of story.
>>
>>28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
>>Gymnastics. Ever.
>>
>>We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
>>know the d ifference between them? In an effort to keep you informed,
the
>>definition of each is listed below:
>>
>>
>>"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
>>assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are
>>you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
>>
>>
>>"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling
of
>>perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
ass
>>and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
>>
>>We hope this clears up any confusion,
>>The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.